Many people suffer from learned helplessness: the belief that they don’t have the power to make positive changes in their own lives or in the world around them. Learned Optimism will teach you how to break out of that pessimistic, powerless mindset and replace it with an empowered mindset of optimism and confidence.
This guide begins with some background information about learned helplessness, then explains how people end up trapped in that mindset as a result of modern culture’s overemphasis on personal achievement and self-esteem. From there, we contrast the pessimistic mindset of learned helplessness with the optimistic mindset that author Martin Seligman wants us to cultivate, and look at the many benefits of optimism. Finally, we’ll explain Seligman’s method for unlearning helplessness and replacing it with learned optimism.
Seligman is a professional psychologist, teacher, and author. His theories of learned helplessness and learned optimism are based on his own laboratory studies. He began these studies in the 1960s and has continued tweaking and reexamining them to the present day.
Seligman’s theory of learned helplessness has become widespread, both in the field of psychology and among laypeople. However, Learned Optimism was published in 1990, and there have been significant advances in the field of psychology since then. Our commentary will explore those new developments as needed, provide a grounding in core concepts of psychology, and offer actionable advice.
In psychology, learned helplessness is the belief that you can’t change things and that your efforts won’t make a difference. It’s called learned helplessness because it comes from experience: You go through important situations in which you can’t change the outcome, so you come to believe that you can’t affect the outcome of any important situation.
Seligman adds that many people learn helplessness as children, especially from their parents and teachers. Every time an adult dismisses a child’s contributions and ignores his or her efforts, it ingrains helplessness into that child’s psyche.
Furthermore, children truly are helpless against unkind, unfriendly, and hostile adults—adults have all the power, both physically and socially, so children can’t do anything but try to avoid or endure them. Sometimes people carry that sense of helplessness into adulthood and don’t recognize that they aren’t powerless anymore.
(Shortform note: Childhood trauma, including being bullied or neglected by adults, can leave a person with lifelong feelings of fear, anxiety, and depression. The helplessness they learn from those traumatic events can shape their entire personality and self-image, even into adulthood. In other words, Seligman is saying that a child who learns that he or she is helpless might carry that lesson forever.)
In this book, Seligman discusses how we can unlearn helplessness and replace it with learned optimism: the belief, grounded in experience, that we can make a difference.
Updates to Learned Helplessness Theory
Seligman developed his theory of learned helplessness in the 1960s, based on a study he and fellow psychology student Steven Maier conducted using dogs. There have been some crucial updates to the theory since then.
First and most notably, Seligman and Maier themselves changed their minds about what the study meant. In a 2016 paper following up on their original study, the two concluded that (for dogs, at least) passivity and helplessness is the default reaction to stress. In other words, the dogs hadn’t learned to be helpless at all; rather, they’d failed to learn how to escape an unpleasant situation.
However, that doesn’t mean learned helplessness doesn’t exist in people. In fact, psychologists now believe that learned helplessness is a contributing factor to depression—which we’ll discuss momentarily—and other mental disorders such as Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Seligman says that depression is the feeling that nothing is worth doing, or that your actions don’t matter. Therefore, learned helplessness can lead to depression.
To illustrate this point, Seligman discusses an experiment he performed where people were subjected to a loud, unpleasant noise and presented with a panel of buttons. They were told that they could use the buttons to stop the noise, and they just had to figure out the right combination to press.
However, for some subjects, the experiment was rigged—the buttons didn’t do anything, and there was nothing they could do to make the noise stop. In other words, they were helpless. After the experiment, the subjects who couldn’t stop the noise showed symptoms of depression: resignation, lethargy, and feelings of powerlessness.
Seligman adds that genetic and environmental factors do affect how likely you are to develop clinical depression, but they aren’t enough by themselves to explain why some people become depressed and others don’t.
(Shortform note: Learned helplessness, depression, and PTSD are closely related conditions, so much so that having any of them increases your risk of having the others. Furthermore, the three conditions have similar symptoms and, in some cases, similar causes. Typically, all three are caused by some kind of past trauma. In the case of Seligman’s button-pushing experiment, that trauma was relatively mild and very recent (the loud noise); in chronic cases, the trauma may have been a long time ago but much more severe, such as physical, verbal, or sexual abuse.)
(Shortform note: Seligman uses “pessimism” interchangeably with “learned helplessness,” and our guide will do the same. This is because learned helplessness is, by nature, a pessimistic mindset—it’s the belief that bad things will happen and there’s nothing you can do about it.)
Seligman says that the modern epidemic of depression and pessimism is the result of the modern focus on the self. Society today is all about the individual, with emphasis on personal experiences and personal achievements. (Seligman calls this phenomenon the maximal self.)
Going hand in hand with this focus on the self is pressure from society to have high self-esteem—to feel good about yourself. Any number of self-help gurus will tell you that confidence and self-esteem are the keys to success in life. However, Seligman says that self-esteem is the result of success, not the cause of it. In fact, unearned self-esteem (in other words, narcissism) can lead to criminal behavior and violence—attempts to force the world to give you what you think you deserve.
Furthermore, because of the modern emphasis on self-esteem, people who don’t have high self-esteem feel as though they’re somehow failing. Naturally, that feeling drives their self-esteem even lower.
Unearned Self-Esteem Creates Feelings of Entitlement
In The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson also says that a great deal of personal and societal problems come from people focusing too much on themselves. Manson calls it entitlement: the belief that they deserve to feel happy, fulfilled, and successful without having to work for it.
Much like Seligman, Manson says that entitlement goes hand-in-hand with unearned self-esteem. Manson also offers a quick guide on how to recognize genuine self-esteem versus harmful, unearned self-esteem:
If you have genuine self-esteem, you’ll have the confidence to recognize your flaws and mistakes and work to improve on them. That’s because genuine self-esteem is rooted in an honest evaluation of your character; you know your own worth, so your self-image isn’t harmed when you make a mistake or fall short of a goal.
If your self-esteem isn’t based on honest self-examination, you’ll feel extremely insecure. Your self-esteem isn’t rooted in anything—it’s just a desire to feel good and project confidence—so it’s weak and easily destroyed. As a result, you do everything possible to hide your weaknesses and avoid challenges, because struggle and failure could shatter your self-esteem.
Manson also discusses the vicious circle of people with low self-esteem thinking that there’s something wrong with them, and therefore feeling even worse about themselves. He adds that social media makes this cycle much worse—it constantly bombards us with posts about happy people living amazing lives. So, to someone who’s already feeling down, social media is an endless avalanche of evidence that other people are doing better than them.
Seligman suggests two different ways to decenter yourself; to focus less on your personal experiences and focus more on what you can contribute to society. The first is to make concrete, positive changes in the world around you, which we’ll discuss in the next subsection. The second way is to practice learned optimism, which the remainder of this guide will explain.
Given that pessimism is, by definition, the belief that your actions don’t matter, Seligman suggests a number of things you can do to prove to yourself that your actions do matter—that you have the power to make positive changes in the world.
(Shortform note: Donating money doesn’t just make you feel better about yourself, it can improve your physical health as well. Most notably, people who regularly give to others have lower blood pressure, meaning they have less chance of heart disease and stroke, and on average enjoy longer lifespans.)
(Shortform note: Volunteering and getting involved in the community are known to have many health benefits, both physical and mental. For one thing, it can be a chance to get out and get some exercise, or to use skills and knowledge that you might not otherwise have the chance to (for example, by tutoring someone in math). Studies have shown that Seligman is correct about the mental health benefits of community service as well: People who are active in their communities have overall higher life satisfaction, lower rates of depression, and stronger social relationships.)
(Shortform note: Interestingly, writing letters—even letters you never plan to send—is an established technique in psychology to help you recognize and confront strong feelings. Writing a letter forces you to organize and express your thoughts in a coherent way, which helps you to understand and come to terms with what you’re actually feeling. Also, writing a resentful letter is simply an effective way to vent; to get the feelings out so that you can move past them. In short, whether you do as Seligman says and actually send the letters, or just write them for your own benefit, this is an effective way to improve your mood and stop dwelling on your pessimistic thoughts.)
So far, we’ve explained that modern culture’s obsession with the self has led to widespread feelings of pessimism and depression. Now, let’s get more specific about how pessimists think, so we can contrast this pessimistic mindset with the optimistic, empowered mindset Seligman advocates.
Seligman says that learned helplessness (or pessimism) and learned optimism come from our thought patterns: how we explain events to ourselves and how we view ourselves in relation to the world. Therefore, we can unlearn pessimism and learn optimism by working on changing our thought patterns. (Seligman calls these thought patterns “explanatory styles.”)
We shape our thought patterns based on our time in school, our interactions with our parents, and our general life experiences. However, we’re not stuck with whatever way of thinking we learned as children. By becoming aware of our thought patterns, applying consistent effort, and undergoing cognitive therapy, we can change the way we think.
What Is Cognitive Therapy?
Seligman proposes Cognitive Therapy (CT) as a way to change your thought patterns. CT is a type of treatment plan for mental disorders; it’s based on the idea that psychological problems are rooted, at least partially, in harmful and uncontrolled thought patterns. So—with the help of a therapist or psychologist—the patient examines his or her thoughts, feelings, and beliefs to look for faulty and unhelpful habits. After identifying those unhealthy ways of thinking, the patient and the therapist can work together to adjust them.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is based on the same principles as CT, but also helps patients to develop healthy new behaviors. Some studies have shown that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is more effective than medication at treating depression, though others say that a combination of both is the best treatment. Because it’s a more proactive approach, most psychologists prefer CBT to CT, so most of the information that’s readily available is specifically about CBT.
Broadly speaking, we can group all thought patterns into optimism and pessimism.
Seligman says that pessimists tend to generalize and personalize negative events. In other words, they think that bad things “always” happen, and that it’s because there’s something wrong with them. Conversely, when something good happens, they assume that it’s just a stroke of luck: temporary and due to external factors.
(Shortform note: Pessimists tend to have what psychologist Carol Dweck describes in Mindset as a fixed mindset: They believe that people’s attitudes and abilities are set at birth and can’t be changed. As a result, they don’t think there’s any way to improve their lives—nature, or fate, or some other higher power has put them into a certain situation, and there’s nothing they can do about it.)
Optimists are the opposite: They tend to generalize and personalize positive events. When something good happens, they think it’s because of their own abilities, or simply because good things always happen to them. Conversely, when something bad happens, they see it as a temporary setback due to external causes—they’ll say something like, “Things didn’t work out this time.”
(Shortform note: According to Dweck, the opposite of a fixed mindset is a growth mindset. In simple terms, someone with a growth mindset believes that people can change; they can improve their skills and their attitudes in order to make positive changes in the world around them. A growth mindset goes hand-in-hand with optimism because someone with a growth mindset will see problems as temporary setbacks—challenges to overcome—instead of fixed and unchangeable truths about the world.)
Aside from giving us a generally improved mood and outlook on life, Seligman says that an optimistic mindset has numerous concrete health benefits, including:
(Shortform note: Stress is known to cause health problems ranging from insomnia to heart disease. Reducing stress is one of the surest ways to live a longer and healthier life.)
(Shortform note: Studies have found that having three to five strong friendships is better for your mental health than splitting your time among a lot of acquaintances—in other words, when it comes to friendship, quality is more important than quantity. So, if you’ve got a few good friends, you should feel optimistic about your social life.)
(Shortform note: Even if you did fail because of a personal shortcoming, that very failure might give you the extra strength or knowledge that you need to succeed next time. Navy SEAL William H. McRaven illustrates this point in Make Your Bed: During SEAL training, McRaven consistently fell behind the other cadets in swimming, and he was punished for it with extra exercise. However, during his final test, McRaven finished first in swimming—his repeated failures, and the extra work that came with them, had made him the strongest swimmer in the group.)
(Shortform note: This increased performance helps optimists achieve a better work-life balance. Optimists are also better at achieving work-life balance because they don’t tend to spend their free time dwelling on past mistakes or dreading the coming workday. Therefore, an optimist can fully enjoy his or her free time, then return to work feeling rested and fulfilled.)
We’ve discussed the different types of thought patterns and the benefits of optimism. Now, we’ll discuss how to improve your life by changing your thought pattern. The first step is figuring out how you currently think. According to Seligman, you can find out which thought pattern you have using a simple system:
First, identify a problem you’ve faced recently—perhaps an argument with a friend, a car accident, or an issue at work or school. Next, examine your thoughts about that event; in other words, what story are you telling yourself about why the problem happened? For example, do you believe that you made a mistake at work because you’re stupid or bad at your job? Or did you make that mistake because something distracted you, or because you didn’t have the right information on hand?
Finally, consider the results of the problem and your own thoughts about it. Some questions you might ask yourself here are: How do you feel? Is the problem still weighing on you? Have you learned something from the experience? Do you think you’ll be able to avoid that problem in the future?
(Shortform note: What Seligman describes here is a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) technique called guided discovery. Guided discovery aims to disrupt your thoughts; to break up the automatic patterns you fall into so you can examine and correct them. However, it’s worth noting that guided discovery is usually done with the help of a trained therapist—someone who knows how to recognize harmful thought patterns and guide you toward more helpful ones. Though Seligman is a psychologist, and his method of changing your thoughts by questioning them is similar to guided discovery in a professional setting, following his advice alone may not produce the best results—this technique will be more effective with the help of a therapist or counselor.)
Seligman offers a couple of techniques, drawn from cognitive therapy, to help you become more optimistic by changing the way you explain negative events to yourself. The first technique is to examine your belief.
Start this process by asking yourself if what you believe is really true. What evidence is there for it and against it? After considering that evidence, does your belief seem rational? Also, ask what the implications of your belief are. In other words, if it were true, what would that mean for you? Conversely, what would it mean for you if you were wrong?
Once you’ve considered whether your belief is true or not, and what that means for you, think about if your belief is useful. Does it empower you, energize you, or help you prepare for the future? If not, is it worth holding on to this belief? On that note, think about some different beliefs you could replace it with. How else might you interpret the event in question? Is there an explanation that doesn’t depend on something being wrong with you?
(Shortform note: While useful for reframing your thoughts, Seligman’s process here doesn’t suggest any course of action you can take based on your beliefs. To that end, in The 4-Hour Workweek, entrepreneur and lifestyle guru Tim Ferriss suggests another useful question to ask yourself in stressful or worrisome situations: What will I do about it? In other words, if the belief that you’re worrying about actually turns out to be true, how would you handle it? Planning for the worst can help you stay calm and confident, as long as you don’t keep dwelling on the worst once your plan is in place.)
The second technique is to give pessimistic beliefs an external voice. Find a friend who’s willing to roleplay your negative beliefs. Have that person attack you the same way you attack yourself, and learn to defend yourself from that sort of aggression. You may find it easier to fight back against an external voice, and having to defend yourself out loud might help you to hear how fair and reasonable those defenses really sound.
(Shortform note: Another way of coming to terms with that negative voice in your head is to give it a silly name and a silly voice. In short, turn your inner critic into a character you can’t take seriously, and it will lose its power over you—for example, it’s hard to feel worried or upset when your inner critic sounds like Skeletor.)
Seligman says that a pessimistic mindset does have one advantage over an optimistic one: Pessimists tend to assess their situations more realistically.
Therefore, Seligman concludes by saying that we should balance our optimism with realism, a mindset he calls flexible optimism. The good news is that, because we’ve learned optimism as a skill set—instead of having it as a natural state of mind—we can choose when to apply those skills. For example, if someone is upset with us, we can start by asking ourselves if we’re really to blame (rather than the pessimistic approach of assuming that we are at fault, or the optimistic approach of assuming that we aren’t). With that realistic approach we’ll be able to take appropriate action to fix the situation; even if we decide that all we can do is apologize.
(Shortform note: Seligman is saying that realism is a balanced, healthy form of pessimism, but they’re not quite the same thing. The best way to tell the difference between pessimism and realism is to consider whether you’re emotionally invested in your explanation. In other words, are you seeing things calmly and rationally (realism), or are you casting yourself in a story as the villain or the victim (pessimism)?)
As his final point, Seligman adds that people who are naturally optimistic can also benefit from balanced optimism. Optimists tend to believe that they have more control over their situations than they really do, or simply that “everything will turn out fine” even if they do nothing. In their case, finding balance means recognizing those shortcomings and thinking about when things might really be out of their control—and, alternatively, when the situation calls for them to step up and take action.
(Shortform note: Studies have found that too much optimism—unbalanced optimism—leads people to take unnecessary risks and make unwise decisions. For example, in one study, people classified as “extreme optimists” were likely to work fewer hours than most people, save less money, and engage in unhealthy habits like smoking. In short, extreme optimists tend to overestimate the benefits and underestimate the risks of any given situation, which is why Seligman says it’s an unrealistic mindset.)
Now that you’re familiar with Seligman’s concepts of pessimism and optimism, take some time to think about which way your own thoughts tend to go. Also, consider how you might develop a stronger sense of balanced optimism. You can repeat this exercise as often as needed, and you might find it especially useful after a difficult or upsetting event.
Describe something negative that has recently happened to you. Explain why you think things turned out the way they did.
What makes this explanation either optimistic or pessimistic? For example, does the explanation rely on some perceived shortcoming or mistake of yours (pessimism)? Does the explanation suggest that the problem is temporary, or that you’ll do better next time (optimism)?
How could you explain this event in a way that balances optimism with realism? (Note: On rare occasions, there may not be an optimistic explanation for something. However, even in those cases, keeping a mindset of realism rather than pessimism will help you to stay in control and respond appropriately.)