Women have it rough. Our patriarchal society has a million expectations for how they should act, look, feel, and speak in any situation. And failure to meet these expectations equates to feeling like they aren’t “enough”—humble enough, generous enough, pretty enough, strong enough, and so on. The result? Physical, mental, and emotional burnout. Luckily, in Burnout, Amelia and Emily Nagoski provide the science behind how women can handle these stressors to avoid burnout and thrive.
Amelia and Emily Nagoski are twin sisters who share a passion for wellness and helping women succeed. Amelia Nagoski is a Doctor of Musical Arts, conductor, former professor, and best-selling author. Emily Nagoski is a Doctor of Health Behavior who trains therapists, medical professionals, students, and many others on women’s well-being, healthy relationships, and the prevention of sexual violence and harassment. She’s also the best-selling author of Come As You Are.
This guide will teach you how to avoid burnout by revealing:
Throughout the guide, we’ll contextualize the authors’ arguments with research from social scientists. We’ll also supplement their recommendations with advice from self-help authors like Kelly McGonigal and Eckhart Tolle.
The authors explain that burnout is the result of a stress overload that leaves you with feelings of inadequacy and futility—you’re exhausted, you stop caring, and you struggle to connect with others. The things that cause us stress are called stressors, and the first step to preventing burnout is to identify these stressors.
The authors elaborate that for women, most burnout-inducing stressors are the result of living in a patriarchal society in which boys are raised to be dominant takers and girls are raised to be submissive supporters. Supporters are expected to always be mild-mannered, humble, pretty, and willing to give their time, attention, affection, and bodies to the people who need them. This is a moral obligation that most women experience, and a standard that many men expect of women, but it’s completely unrealistic for any human to live up to.
(Shortform note: While the patriarchy is the root of female burnout, experts explain that patriarchal expectations are also harmful to men—men who endorse patriarchal masculine norms like self-reliance, playboy behavior, and dominance over women tend to have poorer mental health and are less likely to seek help. Further research shows that the masculine trait of anti-femininity is linked to greater hostility and masculine toughness is associated with greater vulnerability to substance abuse. Ultimately, men who feel pressured to adhere to masculine stereotypes also face symptoms of burnout.)
The situations these standards give rise to and the pressures they create for women are constant stressors and the root cause of female burnout. This section will discuss these stressors and explain how they cause stress.
The authors explain that the standard for girls to be supporters and men to be takers gives rise to misogynistic practices and situations that are constant stressors for women.
First, women are constantly silenced by men and experience high levels of stress as a result. The authors explain that this misogynistic behavior stems from the patriarchal standard that teaches boys to speak up, and even to be outspoken at times, while girls are taught to listen and be polite. Female silencing discourages many women from participating in workplace discussions and results in constant stress.
(Shortform note: Research shows that not only do men interrupt women, as the authors explain, but they’re also much more likely to interrupt women than they are to interrupt other men. Sociologists analyzed 31 conversations—10 between two men, 10 between two women, and 11 between one man and one woman. Among the two groups of same-sex conversations, a total of seven interruptions were noted. However, among the male/female conversations, 48 interruptions were noted, and 46 of those interruptions were instances of a man interrupting a woman. Further research shows that men are 33% more likely to interrupt women than they are to interrupt other men.)
Further, the authors claim that our patriarchal society allows men’s inappropriate speech and behavior to go unchecked. For example, men are often excused from behavior such as cat-calling or having emotional outbursts due to their gender. Women are often on the receiving end of these behaviors and thus face the consequences—most commonly, stress.
(Shortform note: Victim blaming in instances of sexual assault is a common practice that encourages society to excuse men from being held accountable for inappropriate behavior. Innumerable women have been told in court cases that their friendly behavior or revealing outfits were to blame for provoking their attacker. Further, news reports include details about women’s behavior or clothing prior to their attacks, which increases the prevalence of victim blaming as a social norm. Including these details insinuates that women are to blame, whether this is explicitly stated or not, and teaches society that men can be excused from sexual assault as long as their advances were provoked in some way.)
Further, the authors explain that the high risk of sexual and relationship violence for women in our patriarchal society is a common stressor. They explain that sexual and relationship violence disproportionally affects women and that the vast majority of perpetrators are men—many of whom go unpunished or under-prosecuted. Many women are afraid to file reports of sexual assault due to the prevalence of being blamed or ignored.
Sexual Violence Leads to Higher Rates of PTSD in Women
The authors explain that women face a high risk of sexual assault and relationship violence and that this is a constant stressor that leads to female burnout. Along the same lines, recent research has uncovered that women’s high risk for sexual assault, sexual abuse, and domestic violence also makes them twice as likely as men to develop PTSD.
Experts elaborate that roughly one in six women experience attempted or completed sexual violence in their life. Further, many of the PTSD symptoms these survivors experience, such as withdrawal from people and social situations, emotional exhaustion, poor emotional regulation, anxiety, self-doubt, and negative perceptions of self, are also symptoms of burnout. Thus, the high risk of these traumatic experiences can cause PTSD-like symptoms (burnout) even in women who’ve never experienced sexual or domestic violence.
The authors explain that in many cases, patriarchal societies expect women to overexert themselves, and this unrealistic expectation is a major stressor. They add that women spend 50% more time than men on unpaid labor, even in the most balanced nations, because they’re often expected to take care of domestic work, like child care, cleaning, cooking, and so on, as a “second shift” when they get home from work. When women don’t meet these unrealistic expectations, they fear being seen as a bad partner or mother and experience self-doubt—yet another stressor.
(Shortform note: While the traditional meaning of “second shift” is evening or afternoon work shifts, the term has more recently been coined to describe the extra domestic work women take on after returning from their day job. Discussions about women’s second shift have increased dramatically since the Covid-19 pandemic, when women began to take on even more extra work. With schools closing and employees having to work from home, women felt pressured to multi-task throughout the day—to do their career jobs while simultaneously caring for children and maintaining their homes. This increased the rate of female burnout and forced many women to leave their careers to manage the extra work they faced at home.)
The authors explain that the pressure to meet unrealistic body standards and the self-doubt it causes are two more stressors that come from the patriarchy. The female beauty standard—for example, being skinny yet voluptuous and having a tiny nose but large eyes and lips—describes an uncommon appearance that’s unrealistic for the majority of women. However, our culture makes this appearance seem normal—it’s broadcast throughout television, social media, magazines, and endless advertisements for diet plans, pills and potions, and even surgeries.
Further, the pressure to meet these standards and the self-doubt that arises when they can’t cause nearly all women to engage in some kind of weight control, which gives rise to more stress. When these attempts to meet unrealistic standards become futile, almost 50% of women engage in unhealthy weight control like bulimia, anorexia, or taking toxic supplements. This can cause major mental and physical health issues, another source of stress.
(Shortform note: Social scientists have reached a near consensus that the media, especially social media, makes women and girls feel pressured to meet unrealistic body standards, lowering their self-esteem and often causing them to engage in unhealthy behaviors like weight control. However, other experts explain that social media might also have the ability to improve women’s body images and levels of self-compassion, depending on the content they follow. Research found that women who viewed #bodypositive images and quotes on Instagram felt better about their bodies afterward. So if you only follow and view positive content, you may be able to boost your self-image while minimizing contact with body-image stressors.)
The authors explain that to prevent burnout, we must manage both our stressors and the stress they cause. Stress is the body’s hormonal response to perceived threats, and it helps keep us alive. For example, if you’re swimming and see a shark in the water (a stressor), you’re flooded with stress hormones, swim away fast, and feel relieved once you’ve escaped. However, if the shark disappears and your body doesn’t know whether you’ve escaped the threat, the stress will remain.
As we’ve learned, the stressors women face aren’t usually escapable—they tend to linger in our environment, like the shark. This means women’s stress lingers, builds up, and eventually causes burnout. The authors explain that to avoid this, you must (1) dissipate the lingering stress hormones, and (2) manage and minimize your stressors. This section will provide the authors’ techniques for how you can accomplish these objectives.
(Shortform note: Researchers agree that stress is a biological response to danger, elaborating that our body becomes stressed when something threatens its homeostasis. Homeostasis is a state of equilibrium among independent elements in our body, so we can classify anything that changes our body chemistry as a stressor—for example, things that alter our emotional state, energy level, and so on. Chronic stressors like those women face in the modern world prevent them from reaching homeostatic balance as their body chemistry is frequently disrupted. This can lead to a number of health problems, including high blood pressure and greater vulnerability to anxiety and depression.)
The authors assert that to dissipate the stress hormones we create when faced with a stressor, we must mimic our body’s natural response to stress. They elaborate that our stress response cycle developed to help early humans survive, so to complete the stress cycle, we need to respond as early humans did.
When our ancient ancestors faced threats (stressors), they took action—they ran, hunted, screamed, and gathered together. While the stressors modern humans face aren’t the same, the way our body processes a neutralized threat is. The authors assert that based on these primal responses, there are three main ways we can dissipate our stress: by exerting energy, connecting with others, and practicing wellness.
(Shortform note: In The Willpower Instinct, Kelly McGonigal seconds the authors’ assertion that we should relieve stress by mimicking our primal fight or flight response and doing things like exercising, connecting with others, and practicing wellness. However, she warns that the modern stressors we face often point us toward harmful stress relief activities like smoking, drinking, gambling, eating, or shopping. While these may provide short-term stress relief, they don’t actually eliminate the stress, just temporarily dull it. If you find yourself turning toward these activities when you’re stressed, you’re probably doing more harm than good and increasing your chances of burnout.)
The authors explain that releasing energy, like engaging in physical activity, is the most effective way to dissipate stress hormones. This is because the most common response to stress for primal humans was to run, fight, or yell. They elaborate that 20 to 60 minutes of physical exertion (anything that gets your heart rate up) a day should be enough to release your stress. If you don’t have time for this, you can alternatively release your energy by screaming into a pillow, having a good cry, or tensing and relaxing your muscles for a few minutes.
How to Avoid Negative Stress Relief Activities in Favor of Positive Ones
Kelly McGonigal explains in The Willpower Instinct that getting motivated to release energy can be hard when you come home stressed from a long day of work. Your brain is more likely to suggest negative stress management tactics like opening a bottle of wine and watching TV than positive ones like going for a walk or screaming into a pillow. However, you can use these negative urges to your advantage—McGonigal recommends turning negative urges into reminders of how you should be handling your stress.
The next time you get the urge to open a bottle of wine after a long day, choose to do something constructive instead, like going for a walk or practicing yoga. After you complete this positive stress relief activity, McGonigal recommends making a note explaining how good you felt after completing the activity and how it helped you (you can make a voice recording on your phone or write it down on paper). The next time you get the urge to engage in a negative stress relief activity, review your note to remind yourself of what you should do instead. This will turn your attention away from bad habits and toward good ones, and reprogram your response to stress over time.
Connecting with others and sharing affection is another effective way to dissipate stress. The authors say that interacting regularly with others is beneficial, but that interacting with people whom you love and trust is even better. They state that sharing a six-second kiss or hugging for 20 seconds is proven to lower your blood pressure and heart rate, improve your mood, and get rid of nasty stress hormones. Even cuddling with your pets or chatting with an acquaintance can help.
(Shortform note: Experts agree that connecting with others is proven to decrease stress, and add that engaging in acts of altruism can decrease stress levels even more. Altruism is helping others or doing good deeds without focusing on recognition or self-rewards. They elaborate that like social interaction, altruism activates neurotransmitters associated with positive feelings, decreased anxiety, and an increase in feelings of strength and energy. Further, altruism can decrease stress by turning your focus outward rather than inward—it helps you form a more positive worldview and makes life more meaningful.)
Finally, the authors explain that practicing wellness can help dissipate your stress hormones. They recommend practicing a one-minute breathing exercise—breathe in slowly and deeply for five seconds, hold for five seconds, and then breathe out slowly and completely for ten seconds, repeating the process three times total. You should also try to regularly do things that make you happy, like laughing, meditating, talking to friends, or expressing yourself creatively.
(Shortform note: While the authors note that many wellness activities can help relieve stress, some would argue that meditation is far more effective than any of the authors’ other suggestions—it’s a fast and simple technique that, with practice, allows you to reach a deep state of relaxation void of stress-inducing thoughts. In You Are a Badass, Jen Sincero provides a straightforward method for basic meditation: Sit up straight with your legs crossed and hands on your knees or in your lap; relax your face, jaw, and forehead; close your eyes; release any thought that comes into your mind; focus on your breathing; and keep your mind clear and empty. Sincero adds that setting a timer, focusing on a candle, or repeating a mantra to minimize unwanted thoughts can make meditation easier.)
The authors explain that stressors are stimuli that indicate danger. As we’ve noted, for women, stressors tend to be things like patriarchal standards, unrealistic expectations, and self-doubt—things that indicate your potential to fail yourself or others.
They elaborate that there are two main types of stressors: controllable and uncontrollable. Controllable stressors are things like self-doubt or health issues—there are steps you can take to eliminate these types of stressors. Uncontrollable stressors are things like misogyny or external barriers that hinder your ability to meet goals or expectations—no matter what you do, you can’t eliminate them.
(Shortform note: Adding to the authors’ classifications of stressors as controllable and uncontrollable, experts have proposed other ways to categorize stressors that may be helpful. First, they classify stressors as either physiological or psychological. Physiological stressors are things that put strain on your body, such as overexertion, pain, or injury. Psychological stressors are events, situations, people, or anything that you interpret negatively—for example, losing your job. Second, they classify stressors as either absolute or relative. Absolute stressors are things that anyone would interpret as stressful, like natural disasters. Relative stressors are things that some people might interpret as a stressor but others wouldn’t, like paying taxes.)
The authors recommend a few techniques that will help you overcome both types of stressors. If the stressor is controllable, you can either make a plan to overcome it or change your expectations and measures of success. If the stressor is uncontrollable, you can either find value in the barriers that are hindering your progress or accept that some goals and expectations are unattainable and move on. Let’s explore each technique in detail.
As noted, the authors explain that stressors emerge from the realization that we might fail in some way. But if your stressor is controllable, you can overcome it by devising a plan that will ensure you meet your goal. Coming up with a plan will show your brain that your goal is possible, and the threat of failure (the stressor) will go away. The authors recommend doing this by analyzing the problem that’s hindering your progress or success and brainstorming solutions to that problem.
How to Make a Plan
The authors explain that making a plan relieves stress because it makes success more attainable. In Extreme Ownership, former SEAL officers Jocko Willink and Leif Babin go a step further—they claim that making a plan is crucial to achieving success and lay out concrete steps for how to do so.
Define your goal. Specifically state what you want to accomplish or what problem you want to solve.
Review your options. Brainstorm the possible ways that you can accomplish your goal and the resources you have available to you, like time, assets, and people who might be able to help.
Solidify your plan. Based on your possible courses of action and the resources you have available to you, choose the best plan and flesh out the details. Ask others who may have a more objective view for help if possible.
Minimize risks. Consider problems that could emerge and disrupt your plan or threaten your success. Make a contingency plan for how you’ll handle these problems should they arise.
The authors explain that sometimes we set unrealistic time expectations for ourselves and our slower-than-expected progress can be a stressor. When you’re making slow progress due to unrealistic time expectations, redefine your expectations and perceptions of success. If you give yourself a more realistic time frame and celebrate small successes along the way, your goal will seem more attainable, the incremental feelings of accomplishment will keep you motivated, and the fear of failure will diminish.
For example, you might have the unrealistic expectation to lose 10 pounds in one month but only lose two pounds. In this situation, create a more realistic time expectation (like losing five pounds in two months), and celebrate the smaller successes you’ve made along the way (like sticking to your regular workout routine for two weeks straight).
(Shortform note: In The 10X Rule, Grant Cardone offers the exact opposite of the Nagoskis’ advice: Instead of lowering your expectations and being looser with your definition of success, Cardone advises raising your expectations and setting goals that are 10 times as ambitious as you think they should be. He argues that achieving small, manageable goals won’t make you feel satisfied because you’ll know that you didn’t do much. On the other hand, if you set outrageously high goals, you’ll feel proud even if you don’t fully achieve them because you’ll still have accomplished more than if you were aiming low.)
Sometimes, stressors are uncontrollable barriers that slow our progress toward a goal and make us feel like we might never succeed. In these situations, the authors recommend finding value in the barrier—consider the lessons you might be able to learn from the experience or how it might help you grow as a person. If you find value in the barrier, your brain will stop viewing it as a stressor. Instead, it’ll be an added bonus on your journey toward your goal and empower you to push forward.
For example, working with a misogynistic person can be frustrating and can slow your progress when working together. Oftentimes, stressors like these are uncontrollable—you can’t change the other person’s personality and biases, but you can learn to value the lessons you learn from your interactions with them. Maybe their misogynistic behavior has helped you increase your conflict management skills or your ability to stay calm in frustrating situations.
Practicing a Stoic Mindset Can Relieve Stress
The authors explain that barriers become stressors when we interpret them negatively as something preventing us from reaching success. To eliminate barriers as stressors, we should instead try to find value in them. In The Obstacle is The Way, Ryan Holiday explains that choosing to view obstacles in a positive way is a major tenet of the Ancient Greek Stoic problem-solving mindset. Like the authors, Holiday says that adopting this mindset will help you make the most of any situation while avoiding stress and anxiety.
Holiday’s perspective on the Stoic problem-solving worldview can be condensed into two basic truths that will help you avoid stress and achieve success whenever you face barriers in life. First, no event is inherently good or bad—events and barriers are neutral, and it’s your interpretation of them that makes them negative and causes stress. So instead of judging obstacles as inherently good or bad, try to view them as they are: neutral.
Second, you can choose to see every problem as an opportunity. Once you see an event or obstacle neutrally, you’ll have a higher capability to identify the opportunities it presents. This will help you overcome the obstacle at hand and other obstacles you’ll encounter in the future.
You can prevent unnecessary stress and better equip yourself to overcome obstacles by adopting these truths into your mindset.
The authors explain that some goals are simply unattainable and that it’s unhealthy to hang on to them. Instead, you need to let go and move on. If you don’t, you’re likely to get stuck in a painful in-between area where you want something that you know isn’t possible and continue to make futile attempts to reach it.
For example, imagine you have a naturally slender build but want the curvy figure you see all over social media. After nearly a year of working out, you realize that this image isn’t attainable for your body type. In this situation, let go of the impossible goal and stop pointlessly over-exerting yourself to reach it. Instead, the authors recommend practicing self-compassion, which we’ll discuss in the following section.
(Shortform note: The authors say that moving on is the best option to eliminate stress when your goal is unattainable. However, experts explain that moving on might be the best option to eliminate stress even if your goal is attainable. They note five specific situations where you should probably move on from attainable goals: (1) Your goal is no longer that important or beneficial to you. (2) The process of achieving the goal interferes with your values, like having enough time to spend with family and friends. (3) The goal or reward isn’t worth the stress and energy the process costs you. (4) You’ve invested copious amounts of time, money, and resources with few returns. (5) The risks of continuing outweigh the benefits of succeeding.)
The authors explain that no matter how good you are at managing your stress and stressors, you may still experience burnout from time to time. However, knowing how to recover from burnout will get you back on your feet faster and make you more resilient against burnout in the future.
The authors explain that there are four tools that will help you recover from and build resilience against burnout: practicing self-compassion, finding a larger meaning to your life, forming a loving support system, and getting proper rest.
(Shortform note: Experts agree that learning how to recover from stress and burnout is one of the best ways to build resilience against stressors in the future. They add that this resilience will also give you a greater appreciation of life, your family, friends, and other matters you deal with. The authors recommend building resilience by practicing self-compassion, connecting to a larger meaning in life, spending time with your support system, and getting proper rest. Experts elaborate that creating a routine out of these recovery techniques is one of the most effective ways to boost resilience. For example, make it a habit to write compassionately to yourself in a journal every day.)
The authors explain that the most important factor in successfully avoiding burnout and thriving is to have self-compassion. They explain that every woman has a manic voice in their head that tries to manage the gap between who they are and who the patriarchy expects them to be—this is the voice that tells you you’re not enough but rages at the external pressures around you that make you feel that way. To practice self-compassion and shake off the intense self-criticism and toxic perfectionism women are prone to, you must personify and befriend your manic inner voice.
(Shortform note: In The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle similarly claims that every person has a voice in their head that analyzes what’s going on around them, comments on their interactions, dwells on the past, speculates about the future, complains, judges, and self-criticizes. But while the authors of Burnout only talk about women’s experience with this voice and say that it’s a result of the patriarchy, Tolle says that everyone has this voice in their head, that it’s the voice of our ego, and that it’s a result of being human. Although Tolle disagrees with the authors’ claim that the ego is caused by societal factors like the patriarchy, he explains that societal pressures shape how the ego judges you and others.)
The authors recommend that you imagine your manic voice as a friend sitting beside you whenever you feel triggered by a stressor. This will help you see your expectations and emotions objectively, allowing you to more accurately judge whether they’re rational or not. Personifying these thoughts and feelings will also help you show yourself the same compassion and support that you would show a friend—you can either encourage yourself to keep going or remind yourself to lower your unrealistic self-expectations. This will ultimately create a gap between you and the thoughts and emotions that lead to burnout.
(Shortform note: In A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle agrees that detaching from this inner voice, what he calls the ego, is necessary to reach a state of inner peace and self-compassion that’s free from negativity and stress. The authors recommend doing this by personifying the thoughts and emotions that crop up when we’re triggered by a stressor, analyzing whether they’re rational or not, and being compassionate toward the voice. However, Tolle recommends ignoring these thoughts and emotions altogether—rather than spending time thinking about them, recognize that they’re the voice of your ego and let them pass. Over time, this will make you less susceptible to stress.)
The authors explain that having meaning in life, or some larger purpose, is another important tool that will help you avoid and recover from burnout. Having a larger purpose enhances your well-being and makes you more resilient—you’re able to contextualize stressors and realize that in the grand scheme of things, they’re not that important. And if you do end up facing burnout, having a larger purpose will give you the hope and direction you need to persist.
They elaborate that a larger purpose is usually one of three things: (1) working toward an ambitious goal that will leave a legacy, (2) progressing down a spiritual path, or (3) having meaningful emotional connections with others. Or, your larger purpose could be a combination of any of these three things.
The “Finding Meaning” Theory of Happiness
In Sapiens, Yuval Noah Harari explains that the authors’ assertion—that having meaning in life is important to find happiness, avoid burnout, and increase reliance—is one of the most prominent theories that explains how humans find happiness. It’s called the “finding meaning” theory of happiness.
He explains that we can trace this theory back to our ancient ancestors who relied heavily on religion as a higher meaning. Religion promised bliss in the afterlife for those who devoted themselves to it, which gave people motivation to overcome the struggles of primal life and a reason to remain hopeful. This aligns with the authors’ second classification of higher meaning—progressing down a spiritual path.
Harari elaborates that while people tend to be more secular in today’s society, we can still see this theory reflected in processes like parenthood. Harari explains that while the individual tasks of parenthood—changing diapers, dealing with temper tantrums, and washing dishes—are unpleasant, many people say parenthood is the most rewarding thing they’ve done. “Finding meaning” theorists say this is because it gives these parents a higher purpose—caring for another person and raising their child to be a good person. This higher meaning aligns with the authors’ first and third classifications—leaving a legacy that carries on after them (their child), and forming meaningful emotional connections with others.
The authors assert that having a steady, loving support system is also crucial to avoiding and recovering from burnout. This is because connection is a vital component of human existence—we can’t survive without it—and caring for others reminds us to care for ourselves.
They elaborate that human emotion is contagious—we end up syncing our emotions, speech, and even heartbeats with the people we spend time with. So when we spend time with someone who we share a loving, intimate relationship with, we can recharge our emotional battery.
The authors explain that these types of intimate relationships are characterized by two things:
How to Identify a Toxic Relationship
The authors explain that spending time with people you love is beneficial to preventing and recovering from burnout. They emphasize that these relationships need to have two components: (1) a balance of give and take, and (2) an empathetic connection. However, experts explain that people can sometimes be blinded by love and think that their relationship has these components when in reality, the relationship is toxic. They elaborate that because our emotions are so heavily influenced by the people we spend time with, as the authors explain, being around these toxic people can actually make our stress worse. Toxic relationships can be with romantic partners, friends, family, and even coworkers.
To see through the blinding effect of love and make sure you’re spending time in truly supportive relationships, experts recommend looking at patterns over time. Relationships that lack balance and empathy will have recurring episodes where one partner undermines, disrespects, competes with, or harms the other. Whether these behaviors are intentional or unintentional, they indicate that the relationship lacks balance and empathy and might be toxic.
If you think that you might be in a toxic or abusive relationship, you can contact the US National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
The authors explain that if we don’t get proper rest, we will run ourselves into the ground and inevitably face burnout. Rest is a time when we stop using the part of us that’s getting worn out so it can renew itself. There are three main types of rest that accomplish this purpose: daydreaming, switching tasks, and sleeping.
The authors explain that daydreaming is important because your brain is designed to switch back and forth between focused attention mode and rest mode (daydreaming). This oscillation allows you to reach peak productivity. If you start feeling overworked or burnt out, take a break from focused attention mode (the mode used when working) and do a menial task like washing dishes that allows your brain to wander. You’ll often gain new insights from this daydreaming that will spark your creativity.
But the authors explain that sometimes, your brains want to be in focused attention mode and that daydreaming can be too boring. When this happens, you can switch tasks so that you’re still using your brain, but using a different part of it. For example, if you feel burnt out from completing work tasks, take a break and do something that requires focus but is enjoyable, like painting or completing a puzzle.
The Two Modes of Thinking: Diffuse and Focused
In A Mind For Numbers, Barbara Oakley refers to these two modes of attention as “focused” and “diffuse.” Like the authors, Oakley explains that your brain is naturally designed to switch between these two modes and that doing so is how we reach peak productivity. However, she provides slightly more detail than the authors do by explaining what’s going on in your brain during each of these attention modes.
Focus-mode thinking is primarily associated with the left hemisphere of the brain. When you’re in this mode, your thoughts travel rapidly along short pathways that connect with other concepts in your mind that are closely related. Diffuse-mode thinking is primarily associated with the right hemisphere of the brain. In this mode, thoughts traverse longer neural pathways between more diverse concepts. Diffuse mode thinking allows you to subconsciously process information gathered during focus-mode thinking but in a different way. This is why it can provide us with new insights, as the authors explain, and help us solve problems that we might have been hung up on while in focus mode.
Finally, the authors say that your body needs an average of eight hours of sleep per night to function properly. Sleep is the time when your body heals from the damage of the day, your brain grows and learns, and your emotions are processed and regulated. Not getting enough sleep can damage both your physical and mental health.
(Shortform note: The authors suggest that your body needs an average of eight hours of sleep every night to be fully rested and avoid damage to your health. However, experts explain that this number fluctuates based on factors like age, health, and energy level. For healthy adults between the ages of 18 and 64, seven to nine hours of sleep per night should be sufficient—the author's recommendation of eight hours falls into this range. However, the amount of sleep we need decreases with age—newborns need a minimum of 14 hours while teenagers need eight to10, and older adults over 65 need only seven or eight hours of sleep. Experts add that people with health issues or jobs that are labor-intensive or high-stress may need to add an hour or two to these estimates to be sufficiently rested.)
The authors explain that relieving stress is a process: You need to relieve your stress hormones, identify and manage your stressors, and take preventative measures that will make you more resilient against burnout.
Consider the techniques the authors recommend to dissipate stress hormones and write down the top three strategies that you think will work best for you. (For example, you might try exercising, screaming into a pillow, connecting with loved ones and friends, or practicing wellness exercises like measured breathing.)
Now, describe one of the stressors in your life that weighs heavily on you. Elaborate on whether this stressor is external (like a frustrating person or situation) or internal (like self-doubt or unrealistic self-expectations), and whether it’s controllable (like self-doubt) or uncontrollable (like a misogynistic coworker).
Now that you’ve identified your stressor and whether or not it’s controllable, which technique do you think will help you manage it best—making a plan, valuing the obstacle you’re facing, reevaluating your goal and measures of success, or moving on entirely? In your response, include why you think this is the best option.
Finally, which of the burnout recovery tools do you think will help you become more resilient to stressors in the future? (For example, you could try getting more rest, practicing more self-compassion, relying more on your support system, or connecting to a larger purpose in life.) List two tools that you’d like to use and explain how you could incorporate them into your daily or weekly routine.